You Gotta Pace Yourself….
One could argue that everyone has to learn how to pace themselves. The young and healthy just don’t seem like they worry much about it because they are a.) more energetic and physically able to do things and b.) have less responsibility. But if you’re like most of my clients, you are north of 30 but south of dead, you are responsible for others in your personal and/or professional life and your body needs a bit more maintenance to keep it functioning. This is particularly true for people dealing with chronic medical conditions or injuries, women in the perinatal period, people with chronic mental health issues and those dealing with high amounts of stress. The problem is that when our bodies and life situations change, it takes a little time for our brain to adjust expectations.
Pacing is more of a fine art than a science. I wish I could hand you a formula and send you on your way, but there is no single answer to how to pace yourself. A principle that may help you pace is called Spoon Theory. This term was first coined by Christine Midserandino and describes how we all have spoons of energy to use for our daily activities. This could be physical or emotional energy, the point is that there is a finite number of spoons and once you have used them up for the day, they are gone. Everything you do costs spoons, so be careful what you commit to. The following steps can help you use your spoons wisely:
Prioritize your values: When you have a limited amount of yourself to give, it is important to give to the things that you value the most. I wholeheartedly support my clients who want to push themselves to their limits for their child’s wedding, but would encourage them to think twice before helping a neighbor move their couch when they don’t even like this person! Before you commit to something, see how highly you value it.
Set realistic expectations: Before signing up for something that is emotionally and/or physically demanding, have a hard talk with yourself about whether or not you are able to do this activity. Do you have the time, energy and resources to make this happen? What will it cost you tomorrow? Be real with yourself about what you can handle.
Save some spoons for yourself: Do not run yourself into the ground using up all your spoons. You actually feel the best when you have saved a few for yourself in the evening to engage in your own self-care or personal hobbies.
Now the number of spoons today may not be the same as yesterday or tomorrow. How we take care of ourselves helps us have more spoons to work with, but usually those benefits are seen over time and not instantly. If you follow the above guidelines, you will be saying “no” pretty often. Saying NO to things is a way to take care of yourself and preserve spoons. That doesn’t mean you don’t do anything, but you do a real self-check to see if you have spoons for something. Saying NO can be hard because we value a relationship, want people to like us or maybe it's an activity we really wanted to do. However, running yourself into the ground is also hard, so be mindful of how you use your spoons. If you have been finding yourself physically and emotionally exhausted more often than not, then maybe it’s time to work with a professional on how to restructure your life so you can get the most out of your spoons! E-mail me today at srizvi@sarahrizviphd.com for a free 15 minute phone consultation. Let’s get you your spoons!